August 24, 2018 fm

Should I Go Or Should I Stay?

I was almost nine years old when The Clash released their smash hit ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ in 1982. Little did I know that 36 years later I would kill their song title and turn it around. Because, when I think of one of my biggest heroes in life today, ‘Should I Go or Should I Stay?’ is much more appropriate.

My mom struggled. She was struggling for weeks. One afternoon, like every afternoon, she sat in front of her small beer in the pub next to her assisted living apartment. Some golden girls – who would never sit in a bar alone drinking beer – passed by. They frowned at her and uttered, But how can you fly at your age? 

Yes, with 86 springs on your shoulders, things can get more complicated. Walking? More or less, but two walking sticks help. Bathroom? Often, very often. Hearing aids? Where the hell are they again?

My mom struggled. Should I go or should I stay? was on her mind for weeks. Should I go to Spain and spend time with my grandson or should I stay in my assisted living pub listening to black holes who tell me all the time about everything I cannot do anymore in my life?

My mom did not stay. She went. She spent unforgettable moments in the sun with lots of love and lots of fun.

Now – that is my mom. But what about you and me? Should I go or should I stay? Isn’t this a constant in our lives?

I remember all those dives from the 10m diving board I never took. I should have jumped. But again and again I stayed on the ground.

I remember all those girls in my adolescence. I should have talked to them. But again and again I stayed in the corner of the club.

I remember all those meetings at KPMG, my former employer. I should have spoken up. But again and again I did not raise my voice.

Go more, stay less.

Thank you, mom.

I love you.

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